stop spleening me

work

2011-10-14T19:21:00.002-04:00

haha! fooled you. this is not a wedding post. but it's coming, I promise.

I just spent the afternoon on my computer and it kind of drives me crazy. let's see, I looked at Emma Watson's short hair and pondered shorter hair, or purple hair. I researched rain boots and snow boots and did some big-time research on down jackets and waterproof shells, since I will definitely be needing a real winter coat this year. I updated my REI member info. checked email. but seriously - that's it!

some computer things are whims. most of the computer things I do, that take up time anyway, are things that actually need to be done - researching products that we need to get (like vacuums, looking for furniture on ksl, etc. etc.), changing names and addresses in accounts (STILL), repair info for the e-reader, customer support with verizon, car insurance quotes, and so it goes on and on and on. they're important things and Andy is all kinds of grateful that I take care of these kinds of things.

but still ... four and half hours sitting on my couch. I got up to do my hair cause we're going to my freshman reunion tonight and when I walked back into the living room, there's this glorious window with beautiful trees and fall sunshine and fresh air on the other side. and then I remember, like I do every day, that I would much rather have spent the last four hours outside.

I think I put myself to work everyday (to varying degrees, which usually involves ignoring the dishes. I think we both hate the dishes.) and it is important to get things done, but for goodness sake, they'll get done. if it's important, I know I'll take care of it. and if they're not important, and it doesn't get done, then who cares? it's not important.

I'm going to plan out my empty days (which are few-ish anyway) with things that feel like luxuries, like indulgences, like taking the day off of work. I'm going to do the campus tree tour, I'm going to wander with my camera, go spice shopping at winco, bake yummy things and eat them!, play music outside and write more more more things like poems and stories and observations. I'm going to fix my purple skirt and put those boxes of books on the bookshelf and make a yoga bolster and do my Charley Harper puzzle and maybe do those dishes. and hey, maybe half of those things are things that "need to be done" anyway, but it doesn't matter.

the nyquil adventure

2011-10-11T19:10:00.004-04:00

try as I might, this has turned into one of those things I feel vaguely guilty about, so I avoid it. kind of like when I go to write in my journal after a writing drought and realize there are so many things I haven't talked about that are important to me, that I want to have written down, but getting it all down is a little tedious.

I've been sick the last couple of days with a nasty sore throat, some aches and pains, and fatigue. stopped off at target last night and picked up a humidifier, vicks vaporub, and nyquil (which I had never had before). we had to show ID to buy the nyquil, which surprised me a little. we get home and andy's opening the humidifier and I'm opening the nyquil and I say, "do people try to get high off of nyquil??" cause the package said something about parents knowing what teenagers are up to. and he says "yes ... there's alcohol in it." then I was reading the medical warnings bit on the side and say "it can cause liver damage??" and he says "yes ... there's alcohol in it." haha I really don't know a thing about nyquil, except that it makes you sleepy sleepy. but seriously - how many freaking nyquils would you have to take to get high? (the internet tells me only six.) I took them (only 2), I slept pretty soundly until 11, and Andy did too. he's probably trying to fight off whatever it is I have and have surely already given him.

I've been doing a lot of reading lately, which is lovely. I recently finished a book of Scottish short stories that I picked up in, surprise, Scotland. Still working on the Discovery of France. Started and finished the Wisdom of Crowds. Andy's working on my Kazuo Ishiguro book right now, so I'm reading Gilead by Marilynne Robinson that Andy's mom picked up for us at the library event - she's coming to speak there, soon, if not already. It's written as an old, rural pastor's journal, or letter, to his very young son, since the man is likely to die soon from a heart condition. Here are some of the quotes that I've liked, that struck me this afternoon while I read on the couch and let my fingernails dry.

"Now, your mother never talks about herself, really, and she never admits to having felt any sort of grief in her life at all. That's her courage, her pride, and I know you will be respectful of it, and remember at the same time that a very, very great gentleness is called for, a great kindness. Because no one ever has that sort of courage who hasn't needed it."

"Not deciding is really one of the two choices that are available to me, so decision must be allowed its moment, too. That is, as behavior, not deciding to act would be identical with deciding not to act."

"He treats words as if they were actions. He doesn't listen to the meaning of words, the way other people do. He just decides whether they are hostile, and how hostile they are. He decides whether they threaten him or injure him, and he reacts at that level. If he reads chastisement into anything you say, it's as if you had taken a shot at him. As if you had nicked his ear."

"There's a pattern in these Commandments of setting things apart so that their holiness can be perceived. Every day is holy, but the Sabbath is set apart so that the holiness of time can be experienced. Every human being is worthy of honor, but the conscious discipline of honor is learned from this setting apart of the mother and father, who usually labor and are heavy-laden, and may be cranky or stingy or ignorant or over-bearing. Believe me, I know this can be a hard Commandment to keep. But I believe also that the rewards of obedience are great, because at the root of real honor is always the sense of the sacredness of the person who is its object."

next post is about the wedding, probably the first of several. get excited :)

new video!

2011-09-13T01:45:00.001-04:00

wrote this about six months ago, but just got it roughly recorded

it's still untitled

Untitled from tina verbena on Vimeo.

mrs

2011-09-12T22:33:00.005-04:00

oh hey, remember that time when I was alive and the internets knew about it?

...

naw, I don't remember either.

but hey, guess what, internets?

I gots married!!!

sorry, now I'm just teasing you.

here are our happily wedded faces:

ta da!

wabbits?

2011-06-03T18:30:00.002-04:00

I was talking to my dad on the phone the other day.

when I told him that the one thing I want

more than a dog

is a bunny,

he said:

"You don't know very much about bunnies, do you?"

fact: bunnies need high-quality greens.

being cheap and feeding it iceberg lettuce

will give your bunny the runs.

fact: this giant bunny is legit.

17 pounds, 3 feet

FOR REAL

lunch fiasco

2011-05-20T16:32:00.007-04:00

today at lunch, I got a bit of a late start eating. I usually meet up with Andy for lunch, but he had a work lunch thing-y. I noodled about on the internet for a bit, then went out to my car to try and call the bureaucracy about my healthcare. I made a misstep on the electronic voice answering on the call and got stuck in a robot-repetitive loop that just kept repeating the same question. so I hung up and called again. eventually got to a person, who told me that I had to call a different number, which I wrote down and didn't call because my lunch hour was already half-way over.

I was on my way down Hollis when I spied the Doc's Buns truck chilling at the lunch truck spot by Novartis. I had previously assumed this lunch truck sold hotdogs, since, well, it's called doc's buns and it has a picture of a dog on it, and the truck is a lovely burnt-red hotdog color. I decide to loop around and try it, since I'm short on time and Andy never wants to try the hotdog truck. I walk up to look at the menu and nary a hotdog in sight - but there's a bag lunch deal for a yummy sounding burger with fries and a drink, so I step right up and order the classic burger (no tomato) like a pro. and the food fiasco begins.

the guy in line in front of me had just ordered the last burger. well, since the menu was sparse, I got a little sassy when I asked what else they had. they had a black bean burger (?) or a chicken salad sandwich. I ordered the chicken salad sandwich to substitute into the bag lunch deal. cashier girl consults with sandwich prep girl. no can do - the sandwich is pricier than the burger, so I dish out 12.50 for a sandwich I don't really even want, but lunch hour is ticking away and I don't have a lot of options. (p.s. my chicken salad was the last one. it wasn't even 12.45 - how do they profess to serve lunch when they only have black bean burgers left before one o'clock??) I get the food, I grab some of the homemade ketchup, get in my car and book it back to the office.

I only have about ten minutes to eat, so I get scarfing as soon as I'm back at my desk. the sandwich is full of giant pecans and giant green grapes. there's hardly any chicken to it, comparatively. the pecans were alright. I do not like green grapes. I particularly do not like giant green grapes. the sandwich was on some yummy bread, but little bread, that didn't hardly contain itself - the entire contents flew out of it onto my desk. I picked out what chicken and celery I could find and ate the bread. I put the other half in the fridge because I'd already had to wipe my desk three times and my fingers four.

lunch was nearing its end, so I dumped the fries into a bowl to snack on while I went back to work. the fries were yummy! but just about all of them were no bigger than half an inch. I remembered seeing sandwich prep girl scraping at the pan for the last fries of the batch. at least they tasted good - well spiced, and the homemade ketchup was actually good, too. I've spent fifteen minutes eating out the biggest fries I can find when I accidentally nudged the ketchup, whose little plastic cup flew nimbly and landed upside down on the carpet, bounced, and came to rest under my desk. there were ketchup splats in a two-foot radius, on carpet, cubicle walls, boxes, and cabinets.

that's when I decided I'd better hurry up and finish this martinelli's before I dump it all over my keyboard.

verdict: Doc's Buns - yummy. would like to try the classic cheeseburger, which actually looked delicious as I watched them cook it up for the guy in front of me. I'll just say I caught them (and they caught me) on an off day.

it's so fluffy i'm gonna die

2011-05-18T14:26:00.001-04:00

OH MY HOLY GOODNESS

I CAN HAZ ONE???

pleasepleasepleasepleaseplease?

http://imgur.com/7OejU

berkeley ward talent show

2011-05-02T15:49:00.006-04:00

I played and sang 'Eli the Barrow Boy' (the Decemberists) at the

Berkeley University ward talent show, which is actually the same

thing I played and sang at the Pittsburgh YSA ward talent show.

I told Murphy I didn't need the microphone, but he insisted on holding it there.

turns out it wasn't even on. told him I didn't need it :) ...

then Andy played 'Easter Song'

we hadn't warmed up together, but I sang with him anyway.

turns out that tight throat muscles from nervousness

works out alright with my range for the Decemberists,

but not so well with high wispy backups for Andy.

I like this one a lot :)

I love how pleased we look, and also the bit of hesitation,

of seeing how it's been received.

I think it captures well the emotional vulnerability

of sharing music, because you're sharing yourself too.

thanks to carol hogan for the photography

she's great :)

pictures yay!

2011-05-01T17:00:00.006-04:00

I haven't taken many pictures but I finally uploaded them.

tada!

plane ride to san francisco to visit andy for his birthday

birthday! homemade pound cake with strawberries & whipped cream.

made by yours truly.

he's excited :)

the sunset we watched go down standing on the golden gate bridge.

picture of the other side of the bridge, towards east bay.

(picture I was snapping while andy tied my shoe,

right before he asked me to marry him)

right after I said yes :)

me and mom about to begin our cross-country road trip

pretty country

origami easter bunnies (thanks betsy, for the idea)

now I can finally say what's been going on

2011-04-03T22:54:00.002-04:00

hi kids.

do you remember that time when I used to write stuff on here? yeah, me too.

guess what? a billion important crazy things happened! and I didn't tell you because I was keeping it all under wraps sos I could surprise andy's family with the news ...

but now it's all happened (and past happening, actually, I've just been too busy to write) and now I can tell you :)

I left grad school. I resigned from winter term, quit my jobs, packed up my stuff, left half of it in pittsburgh and took the other half in my little honda back to my house in virginia and then all the way across the country to california. my momma drove with me across virginia, tennessee (pretty pretty tennessee), arkansas, oklahoma, texas, new mexico, and utah. we spent a weekend with celesta and company in utah valley, and then andy drove with me through nevada to california. I found an apartment with great girls who needed a roommate. I found a job that is not nearly as good as I'd hoped, but it pays well, so I can stay until I no longer need to stay. and I found an andy here waiting for me.

I embarked. I arrived. I started another adventure.

sometimes it's surreal to think that this is where I am and it seems so crazy that I'm an adult and I do stuff. I make decisions and then I act on them. I ask God what I should do and then I'm brave and I do it. even when it's kind of crazy and a little bit scary and unexpected.

but still, everything makes so much sense. and concurrently, no sense at all. there's still so many unanswered questions, yet always the understanding that I don't need all of the answers right now.

I'm in love. I am so completely in love. it makes everything brighter and sharper and more alive, and fogged out and insignificant at the same time.

isn't it so funny and fantastic that this is my life?

it was awesome, and then it got awesomer

2011-02-26T23:48:00.002-05:00

andy got a totoro hat for his birthday!

and then we got engaged :)

not a bad jaunt, I'd say :)

a jaunt

2011-02-15T22:05:00.002-05:00

tomorrow, I am getting on an airplane, again.

in a dress, of course.

to visit this place, for the very first time:

where I will see my very favorite person

who I haven't seen in far too long.

I will try to remember to take pictures.

dreamblog minipost

2011-02-10T23:18:00.005-05:00

this dream had angelina jolie in it, which is weird, because I can't stand her. she was tricked into capture by none other than brad pitt. she was sitting on a cot with another woman. she had on red lipstick (of course). another woman was standing in front of her next to the cot her head was out of the frame, because it was like a movie in my head she was on the side of the captors, was wearing a brown small houndstooth skirt suit, holding a large sheaf of papers or a book, not sure which.

then, fast as lightning, jolie snatches one of the papers in her arms, which is brown like parcel paper, and in a whir, folds it into a little dart thing, like a tiny paper airplane, and throws it at the suit woman's chest. it sticks her and she bleeds. jolie grabs another paper and folds speed-quick again. the woman turns and walks away, towards me/the screen. jolie throws the 2nd dart at her back and the woman falls over dead. then there was a totally bizarre part with this cartoon bear dressed in a wonderwoman costume ... ?

um, yeah.

final reverb

2011-01-21T22:17:00.006-05:00

prompt 22: travel. how did you travel in 2010? how and/or where would you like to travel next year?

- I went to: the outer banks, seattle, vermont, pittsburgh, and utah lots of times. by plane much more than usual. and I drove across the country. went through oregon and washington, idaho, montana, north dakota, minnesota, wisconsin, michigan, ohio and pa.

- this year, I would like to travel by plane, train, & automobile. I'd like to visit san francisco. I'd like to go somewhere I've never been. I plan to travel lots, but less than last year.

prompt 23: new name. let's meet again, for the first time. if you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be?

- this would probably change from day to day, but today it would be Ivy Underwood.

prompt 24: everything's ok. what was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? and how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead?

- when I've felt most peaceful, confident, and happy - in making decisions and feeling good about them. continue to trust and move forward in faith.

prompt 25: photo. a present to yourself. sift through all the photos of you from the past year. choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. share the image, who shot it, where, and [...]

charlie, lake michigan.

prompt 26: soul food. what did you eat this year that you will never forget? what went into your mouth and touched your soul?

- pastorero tacos al pastor and chorizo and horchata

prompt 27: ordinary joy. our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. what was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year?

- doing things with andy - grocery shopping, learning binary, watching good movies, talking late into the night, driving, reading, singing, just holding hands.

prompt 28: defining moment. describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year.

- I thought about wanting to learn to play the guitar.

- but guitars are expensive.

- I thought that ukuleles were cheap and also awesome.

- I asked for a ukulele for christmas.

- I got one.

- I learned a few songs.

- it was awesome.

- andy started hanging out at my apartment.

- he asked me to play for him.

- I did.

- and then it occurred to him that something needed to be done. like date me.

- and so he did!

prompt 29: gift. this month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. what's the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

- my 2 foot plush totoro. it is winful. see?

reverb 3 !!!

2011-01-21T22:11:00.004-05:00

sorry if the reverb posts are boring ...

they'll soon be over :)

prompt 12 : body integration. when did you feel the most integrated with your body? did you have a moment where there wasn't mind and body, but simply a cohesive YOU, alive and present?

- lake michigan

prompt 13: action. when it comes to aspirations, it's not about ideas. it's about making ideas happen. what's your next step?

- steps are in the works. to be disclosed at a later date.

prompt 14: appreciate. what's one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? how do you express gratitude for it?

- knowing that everything is going to be okay. I express gratitude by living more fully and by trying to be kind to myself.

prompt 15: five minutes. imagine you will completely lose your memory of 2010 in five minutes. set an alarm for five minutes and capture the things you most want to remember about 2010.

- I felt safe, brave, strong, powerful, soft, and kind.

- I felt peace, growth, fear, confidence, assurance, more fear, and reassurance.

- I fell in love.

- I had fun and adventures. hard times, too. lots of talks and shenanigans and new things.

- I had a vacation.

- I graduated.

- I trusted.

- it worked out fine. more than fine. better than I could have imagined.

prompt 16: friendship. how has a friend changed you or your perspective on the world this year? was this change gradual, or a sudden burst?

- this spring and summer I had a lot of kind friends that sort of just ... cared about me. some were roommates. some were sisters I visit taught. I slipped out of myself and just felt at home with these friends who just loved me for some reason, just because I was me.

prompt 17: lesson learned. what was the best thing you learned about yourself this past year? and how will you apply that lesson going forward?

- it is good enough to be christina. it is just good enough to be me. I don't have to be anything more than that. people who think I should be more than that are just wrong.

- I will use this knowledge to keep re-teaching myself that it's true, to re-convince myself of the other truths that go along with it - it's hard to remember and oh so easy to slip back into the negative thought patterns and lies. but this truth will guide the process of change and progress as I become more fully aware of myself and my goodness and shed the things I do not need or want that are weighing me down.

prompt 18: try. what do you want to try next year? is there something you wanted to try in 2010? what happened when you did/didn't go for it?

- I've wanted to try outdoors-ness for a long time. I still haven't made it a complete part of my lifestyle like I want to, but I'll say that part of that is winter. I tried backpacking and rock-climbing, both things I've wanted to get into, and did some camping and more hiking. it was fun :) I want to do more.

- I want to really try yoga - for real this time. I'm beginning this with a 8 class-pass my parents gave me for my birthday for Schoolhouse Yoga, a great yoga studio with several branches in Pittsburgh. so far, I've tried 3 different kinds of yoga - it's nice to have a sampling and find out what works best for me and what I enjoy the most.

prompt 19: healing. what healed you this year? was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? how would you like to be healed in 2011?

- one thing: it was a sudden healing, almost an epiphany. I realized something within myself, and instantly I felt free and so happy. it certainly wasn't from me alone, though. the completeness of the healing certainly came from Christ.

- all the other things: a drip-by-drip evolution, taking time as I go through the process of just realizing what it is I need to heal from, and how. I still feel a long way from healing completely, but the peace of the process helps encourage me when the depth and complication of it all gets over-whelming.

prompt 20: beyond avoidance. what should you have done this year but didn't because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (bonus: will you do it?)

- I didn't eat very well or take good care of my body. (though I did better than I have in the past) these are things I'm working on, but it's going to take a stronger commitment to myself. progress will come through small and simple changes, but I haven't decided on the specifics yet. perhaps I will keep you posted.

prompt 21: future self. imagine yourself five years from now. what advice would you give your current self for the year ahead?

- take care of yourself. be kind to yourself. don't feel guilty about doing it.

women love to be celebrated - thoughts on worth & identity in a modern world

2011-01-19T21:37:00.004-05:00

here's the post I wrote over at gemseekers, the collaboration blog I contribute to:

this is, firstly, an apology for my missing december post :/ and my pledge to post twice in january, to make up for it. time got away from me, as usual. but I’m sitting here sick in bed for the last couple days and finally had some ideas coming together for a post.

I was reading an interview of a famous french photographer/artist/fashion-person/art-museum-curator, etc. I won’t even bother to mention who it actually is because anything you would find online about him is not something I would want to share (not gems, that’s for sure). it gave me little confidence in the morality and quality of modern art exhibits when I saw that he’s a curator for the paris MOMA.

well, here’s the excerpt of the interview that I wanted to talk about. the 2 voices will be referred to as INT for interviewer and GUY for the guy he’s interviewing.

GUY: Every man should be a playboy, no? It’s the nature of man, right?

INT: I don’t know, my wife might have something to say about that.

GUY: Every man should celebrate and seduce women because women love to be celebrated and seduced.

wow. the attitudes of this guy, the things that shape the ‘truth’ and reality of his life, were sad to me, let alone the way he completely brushed off the interviewer’s rather timid and legitimate concern about the feelings of women, especially the women that men have commitments to. not to mention right and wrong.

women love to be celebrated for who they are – which are divine daughters of God with infinite inherent worth that has nothing to do with anything other than the fact that they are royalty, despite appearances, or even behaviors. we are what we are, something that the adversary tries so hard (and often succeeds) to make us forget.

elder ballard said it so well:

“It is, unfortunately, all too easy to illustrate the confusion and distortion of womanhood in contemporary society. Immodest, immoral, intemperate women jam the airwaves, monopolize magazines, and slink across the movie screens – all while being celebrated by the world.

Popular culture today often makes women look silly, inconsequential, mindless, and powerless. It objectifies them and disrespects them and then suggests that they are able to leave their mark on mankind only by seduction – easily the most pervasively dangerous message the adversary sends to women about themselves.”

many women today think they are empowering themselves by being immodest and immoral. human physicality and sexuality is an important part of our eternal identity, but it’s not the only thing worth pursuing, or that makes us valuable, or the only thing we can give to the world. it’s a sad vicious cycle that they’re trying to gain respect and worth by abusing themselves, by agreeing with lies, and expecting and encouraging those attitudes in and treatment from men.

in addition, I then find many latter-day saint women fighting that image - of silly, inconsequential, mindless, and powerless – by focusing on disproving those things through a priority of worldly success. I have often struggled myself with giving up that tug-of-war with Satan and the world. they’re not going to listen to me. but I can testify through my actions and who I am. I can make my priorities celestial and focus on proving myself to me and my Heavenly Father, which is really the only opinion that matters.

BYU Women’s Resource Center has had an excellent ongoing campaign this year about Recapturing and Redefining Beauty, as well as supporting women with eating disorders, loved ones of those who struggle with pornography and sex addictions, reproductive health, and combating violence against women – which you may think is something of third world countries and ages past, but is a prevalent, pervasive problem of gender attitudes and behaviors right here and now. check them out: http://byuwsr.blogspot.com/

it’s hard, because you can’t live in neutrality. if you don’t know about your true identity, it’s hard to just be neutral about your worth, because you either know the truth, or you believe the horrible lies that satan has spread throughout society about our worth. which makes it all the more important for people to know. I approve! of positive movements both inside and outside of religion that are trying to combat negative self-worth and self-image.

and you know, just knowing the truth isn’t enough – as I have learned. you have to be actively reaffirming to yourself your true worth, or you suddenly realize that you really believe some of those lies. I never thought I had problems with self-esteem until I realized how hard it was to even consider some of the truths as compared to the lies I believe(d).

the gem here is that we can know the truth and continually reaffirm it. prophets have revealed and the spirit will confirm the divine worth and purpose of each of us, men and women alike. we can ask God how he feels about us and then strive to live that and remember that every day. we can ask Him as often as we need to, and He will tell us again just how much we mean to Him. speak out where you can, men and women. share those truths. build others up. and if people won’t listen, share it through the way you live.

thoughtful and hopeful,

Em(erald)

hope you enjoyed my thoughts. or at least that they make you think a little bit. I'll be putting my monthly (and this month, bimonthly) posts for gemseekers up here, too. feel free to check out the other contributors' posts - they have a lot of insight and good things to share.

reverb part two

2011-01-17T23:45:00.005-05:00

prompt 4 - wonder. how did you cultivate a sense of wonder in your life this year?

I ... asked a lot of questions ??

prompt 5 - let go. what (or whom) did you let go of this year? why?

I let go of - people holding me responsible for making sure that everything goes perfectly for them, or rather, when not everything goes perfectly for them.

I let go of - consequently holding myself responsible for perfection

I let go of - worrying (to some extent)

I let go of - needing to control everything (it's a start, anyway)

it's a process, but I'm learning to let go.

prompt 6 - make. what was the last thing you made? what materials did you use? is there something you want to make, but you need to clear some time for it?

the last thing I made were christmas presents for my dad, my older brothers and my sister carolyn. I made some prints of pictures that I took, then trimmed them to the abnormal ikea frame size for my brothers and dad. then I took 3 different card-sized prints and mounted them to make a card set for carolyn.

I want to make another cupcake paper garland for a friend. and some handmade birthday cards, both personalized and more generic. I want to make a mandala, using various mediums I haven't chosen yet but also andy's old guitar strings. I want to finish the drawing stories I've started, including edgar mortimer. I want to stain my dresser and do more drawings and start various notebooks of different kinds of creative ideas, inspiration boards of sorts. I want to re-learn (for at least the 4th time) how to knit. I want to make a lot of things.

prompt 7 - community. where have you discovered community, online or otherwise, in 2010? what community would you like to join, create or more deeply connect with in 2011?

community in 2010

1-the french house in the spring

2-my roommates here in pittsburgh

community in 2011

1-a book club or discussion group

prompt 8 - beautifully different. think about what makes you different and what you do that lights people up. reflect on all the things that make you different - you'll find they're what make you beautiful.

my laugh

my capricious word-hatreds (and loves)

my love of all things small, like spoons and cups

my handwriting

my passion and compassion

my style and my ability to own it (read: rock it)

my sincerity

my voice

my heart

prompt 9 - party. what social gathering rocked your socks off in 2010? describe the people, music, food, drink, clothes, shenanigans.

rob & leilani's wedding

people - andy's family & leilani's friends

music - gentle, slightly folkish acoustic and loud party 80s but not gross 80s music

food - yummy potatoes, jarlsberg, that's all I remember

drink - great quirky sodas

clothes - awesome dresses all around ... libby was hot stuff, suzy's dress was amazing, my dress was vintage and superb :)

shenanigans - playing the water glasses, then continuing to play the water glasses long after it had passed the threshold of annoyance; sneaking off to sing in the inn while andy played his guitar; the jarlsberg, oh the heavenly jarlsberg; dinging on the glasses to make rob & lani kiss - all night long

prompt 10 - wisdom. what was the wisest decision you made this year, and how did it play out?

my wisest decision was to keep dating andy when I wasn't entirely sure about it. wise because it was trusting things other than me. and following the inspiration I know best - my intuitive, gut feelings - rather than my logic. best decision of my life.

prompt 11 - things. what are 11 things your life doesn't need in 2011? how will you go about eliminating them? how will getting rid of these 11 things change your life?

1 - estrangement ... write write write - notes, emails, texts. because calling can be too hard, but writing is heartfelt and easy and always appreciated.

2 - inactivity ... choose an exercise I enjoy and practice it - hiking, yoga, swimming, the like

3 - distraction ... meditate on a regular basis

4 - self-hatred ... tell myself I am beautiful every every day

5 - poor eating ... decide what healthy changes I need to make and work on incorporating just one of them (to start) into what I eat and the way I eat it

6 - stagnation ... read new books, write new words, sing new songs

7 - doom & gloom about the future ... find something to enjoy every day and when planning the future out, always end on the note of something positive that can work out

8 - ignorance ... subscribe to a newspaper or news magazine or news feed or something to be informed about what's going on in the world

9 -

10 -

11 -

... I can't think of 11 things

reverb 10 - part 1

2011-01-13T20:11:00.008-05:00

reverb10 is a series of prompts (technically to be done each day in december of last year) to reflect on 2010. I'm a little behind :) but I'd still like to do it, especially since I haven't set aside much time to think about the last year and the coming one.

prompt 1 - one word. encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?

each year I choose a word for the year as a goal, a focus, rather than a resolution, so this prompt fits nicely :) the word I chose for 2010 was joy, and in retrospect, it is the word I would choose to describe the year. I met and dated the love of my life. I learned so many things about myself. I removed a lot of misconceptions and embraced a lot more truths. and all of this brought me deep joy.

I've had a hard time choosing a word for 2011, though. I'm not sure what I want to focus on - there seem to be so many things that need addressing. but the word I choose for this year is patience. patience with being away from andy for another half of a year. patience with people who misunderstand me. patience with myself, most of all. and I hope, at the end of it all, that patience leads to a 2011 of growth, courage, deeper trust and commitment, and trimming back everything to the most essential - to taking care of myself and building back up.

prompt 2 - writing. what do you do each day that doesn't contribute to your writing - and can you eliminate it?

I don't write - that's the problem. I get all kinds of ideas that I jot down, but I don't ever give myself the go-ahead to develop them, to actually let things flow out of me to create a story. I won't have time to write every day, but I want to give myself once a week where I have to sit and write for 20 minutes straight. it doesn't have to be anything good. it just has to be.

prompt 3 - moment. pick one moment during which you felt most alive this year. describe it in vivid detail (texture, smells, voices, noises, colors).

the wind is swift and boisterous, unlike the water, which is very simply alive, patient, routinely churned by the motors of the ferry. the night air of the sound is brisk, an intimate third party to this moment, rushing in and over and around us both, swirling through my dress, and my hair, and into my eyes as I look back over the water. it is lit up by the moon in a glorious pathway of choppy little waves back to the lights of seattle. looking at the city across the expanse of dark is like watching someone that you can no longer see as you drive away. he is tall and warm next to me, and he holds me tight, my head against his chest, the texture of wool comforting on my cheek. it isn't cold, his body breaking the wind around us as we both look back across the sound. the light spills out from the ferry behind us, stretching toward our ankles, reaching out to us in the dark, but it can't touch us. everything is crisp. everything is right.

soundtrack of 2010

2011-01-11T21:49:00.004-05:00

tables and chairs --- andrew bird

nantes --- beirut

all is full of love --- bjork

23 --- blonde redhead

razzle dazzle rose --- camera obscura

eli the barrow boy --- the decemberists

palmistry --- great lake swimmers

resurrection fern --- iron & wine

new slang --- the shins

boy lilikoi --- jonsi

the meter marks ok --- loney, dear

robot unplugged --- marina and the diamonds

born on a train --- the magnetic fields

terrible love --- the national

this tornado loves you --- neko case

du og meg --- of montreal

folding chair --- regina spektor

illgresi --- sigur ros

birchwood beaker --- this is the kit

mlk --- u2

horchata --- vampire weekend

when you go away --- the weepies

wordle makes me think of girdle

2011-01-10T16:55:00.003-05:00

a wordle production of the most common words

on all of my blog posts of 2010.

my favorite word combinations that jump out are:

love back

backpacking time

try things

oh andy

want job

just okay

good heart

sweet bed

clothes needed

totally awesome

become anything

beautiful sometimes

lovely still

people care

more "new year's" type posts to come

I've been making my way through google reader

and seen some inspiring approaches

and been reminded of things I was going to write

... so I'll write them :)

when I don't need to be in class

or working

or sleeping

so I can get up at

ungodly hours

to go to work.

old & new

2011-01-06T12:19:00.004-05:00

old - ronnie the mazda is finally kicked to the curb. the towers took it away last night to be donated and I don't ever have to worry about it again.

new - dad found me a little silver honda :) I like it very very much. it needs a name.

old - book, les contes d'amadou koumba, finally gets finished. the last story in it has the rhyme I memorized part of at governor's school, so it was cool to rediscover where that came from:

ecoute dans le vent le buisson en sanglots c'est le souffle des ancetres

(listen in the wind the sobbing bush it is the breath of the ancestors)

new - book, the hunger games, which I started yesterday and read 10 straight chapters. I could easily have finished it last night, but I had to get up for work, so I showed great discipline and went to bed.

old - cleaned out the refrigerator. sort of. the spinach had to go.

new - tried a new soup, trader joe's sweet potato bisque. it was yummy.

old - time to put the christmas decorations away. I want to try to do it before all of my roommates get back from break. if I can muster the energy to do something so depressing during an already difficult time.

new - year. it's 2011. I have a lot of hopes for this year. and a lot of trepidation, too - because where there are high hopes, there is potential for devastating disappointments.

here's hoping for the very very best :)

happy new year

it's that time of year again

2010-12-13T20:38:00.006-05:00

finals!

this is last week:

and this is this week:

and that is why I am too busy for writing,

though everything is still shipshape

here on the good ship gypsy.

I mean ... a real post!

2010-12-08T00:45:00.003-05:00

sorry, that last post was kind of a tweet, but I'm burned out on twitter.

I never saw twitter as a way to network with people. I didn't even really see it as a forum for saying things to people. it was just a way to 1) say witty things, 2) express frustrations, and 3) make dry observations about my surroundings. and now twitter has become annoying. so I still use it for those things myself, but I don't much care if anyone ever reads them - I just wanted to say them - and I don't ever read what anyone else says anymore. appealing colors and design can only go so far. and the momentile website is actually witty - why can't twitter be witty? I guess because they're leaving it up to the tweeters to be witty. hmm. exactly.

also, I felt bad for writing such a tiny post, seeing as I haven't posted in ... awhile.

thanksgiving happened. I went to utah to be with andy for five whole days! it was lovely, even when we got the stomach flu. we got to visit lots of family. and spend absolutely as much time together as possible. we took a long nap every day - and I tell you what, a nap a day is so good for you. I would try to convert you all more vigorously, but I don't do it myself either - only on vacation. sigh.

my camera battery was dead the whole time. sorry. I thought of taking pictures on my phone once, but ... I was lazy.

stress is at a high. my car is in the shop. my job is consequently up in the air. my other job is miserable. I miss my boyfriend. and the buses hate me.

but things could actually be worse. a lot worse. so I'm okay.

and andy got the pixar internship!!! which is THE BEST THING EVER and it means I get to visit him in san francisco, which is also amazing :)

only one more week.

p.s. trader joe's is amazing (and so is etsy)

a retrospective on byu computer labs

2010-12-08T00:44:00.001-05:00

they were much better than here

much much better

labs round 2

2010-11-22T14:33:00.003-05:00

I don't remember if I mentioned this, but I am finally no longer unemployed. I have two jobs.

for one, I am a personal care associate doing home care for the elderly through Country Meadows Retirement Communities. I wrap up a lengthy round of vaccinations, TB tests, and training tomorrow with my last floor training day. it's really quite an interesting job :)

for two, I'm working in the Pitt campus computer labs ... yeah, I know - again. but it pays (though not well at all) and any money I can make in the additional hours I have will help. I get paid much better doing home care, so I'll only fill in other times of the day with lab hours when it's convenient. i.e. I won't be jumping through hoops to fill shifts in the labs, only pick them up when it works, and keep my permanent weekly shifts pretty low, maybe 8 to 10 hours a week.

so, here I sit, in the computer labs, alphabetizing print jobs.
it's a good thing I like paper :)

one two buckle my shoe

2010-11-13T23:49:00.004-05:00

the momma visits in pittsburgh

the yarn store!

one of those times driving home

home with the little bros

I saw the inside of gregory's closet

and cracked up at this neat little picture.

then he informed me that my dad did it.

which was even more hilarious and awesome :)

back home from home

yes, I took this picture while driving.

yes, I was being safe (mostly).

yes, I am that amazing.

in utah for halloween weekend!

my niece, the little boy in the reluctant dragon

and my seester :)

mariposa!

wore this to the hall family pumpkin carving

where I won a brand.new.touch.screen.8g.ipod.nano

in the door prize drawing

?!?!?!?

for the win :)

I love having adventures.

I am getting a little tired of flying, though :/

I'll be glad for andy to come out here, for once.

but first! thanksgiving

oh how I love thanksgiving

let the gratitude posts begin.

saint simon

2010-11-13T23:36:00.002-05:00

so this one time, a couple of days ago, I had a horrible 80s hit stuck in my head (that got put there while we were buying drinks at smith's) so andy sang bits of the shins songs to me while we drove back to the flsr and holy crap I had forgotten how much I freaking LOVE the shins and now I can't stop listening to them again :)

saint simon is my favorite:

mariposa! that's me!

more vermont

2010-11-07T21:22:00.002-05:00

at the joseph smith birthplace

ha - this is a great andy face

I like our shoes :)

thanks, lil, for the photos

my grandpa

2010-11-06T01:12:00.005-04:00

my grandpa is very sick

and this makes me sad.

I love him so much.

rollercoaster days. goodness.

scruff is versatile!

2010-10-26T21:09:00.002-04:00

this is a good lookin' guy.

but does this look like a folk music artist to you?

especially one with a name like sufjan

and who's friends with daniel johnston?

no, I didn't think so, either.

we're getting there.

and he's in a thrift store.

this is a good sign.

there we go! much better

unfortunately, the top picture is the most recent.

look what fame has done to him.

it has turned him into a stud.

and the only reason he doesn't spend more time

on his hair than on his music

is because he cut it all off.

tsk tsk sufjan.

how could you let the medias get to you?

I bet you played your banjo much better

when you looked like a fool.

the only constant factor in these pictures

is the presence of scruff.

boys, learn this lesson well.

scruff is versatile!

good things regardless

2010-10-26T14:34:00.002-04:00

hmm. unexpectedly long weekend at home. I drove up on friday to go to the temple to do baptisms (I try to go once a month) and intended to drive straight home on saturday afternoon. turns out my grandpa is really sick and I stayed through monday morning to take care of my brothers so m y dad could fly out to utah to be with my grandpa (my mom was already out there for a pleasure visit).

hmm. unexpectedly difficult, emotional weekend. I didn't quite realize before how an emotional stress about one thing comes out in just about every other thing, without even realizing it's happening.

but here are some good things, regardless:

- jeffrey's excitement about things and his laugh are completely delightful and adorable.

- me and jeffrey and gregory have a really fun time together - we are total goofs and I love it.

- brother houghton was going to give me a mandolin, but then it was broken, but still! he was going to give me a mandolin!

- the drive from pitt to home by way of west virginia was gorgeous. the drive from home to pitt by the turnpike was also so gorgeous. I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR.

- emotional crisis always ends in peace and comfort and joy from the Lord, which is a good thing, because otherwise I would never let myself feel things and then I would be clinically insane.

- I have a halloween costume. I am excited to wear it :)

- I fly to utah in 1 day !! because you don't count today and you don't count the day you get there, so ... one day :)

I will take pictures - I promise!

and soon I'll put up my pics from last weekend when my momma came to visit. that was fun :)

iphone love

2010-10-21T22:21:00.001-04:00

yay! the pictures that other people took in vermont

are starting to roll in.

iphone love :)

way of life

2010-10-21T21:23:00.004-04:00

so, I haven't been overly concerned with my grades, so far. probably because I'm practicing an overall less-anxious way of living. I do my homework, I do my readings, I study (ish) for quizzes and tests. but I haven't had a lot of grade feedback yet, except for homeworks, which aren't very important.

however, I had a week of testiness right after I got back from vermont where I made up a stats quiz and an econ exam from while I was gone and took a global governance test (3 straight hours of writing - I've never had writer's cramp so bad). I got instant feedback on the quiz - perfect score! and quick turnaround on the econ exam - A minus! and I got my global gov test back yesterday - 192/200 = A!! I was so excited - I was a little concerned with my last essay cause I ran out of time and pencil lead and it was just meh - but I totally got perfect marks on all of my essays :)

so, this is working out well :) I study hard because I like to learn and don't worry about the things that are not actually important (grades) and I do well. I like this a lot.

procrastination is still ... something I'm working on.

whimsy

2010-10-12T17:59:00.011-04:00

the people over at the curiosity shoppe know what's what:

"If an apple a day keeps the doctor away,

imagine what an apple a day IN A SWEATER can do!"

this is the most logical thing I have heard in a long time.

how do they know me so well?

the abominable charles christopher is ... apt:

(bigger)

I think it is high time I learned how to make cake pops.

they're cute. and bite size.

and well, you know ... delicious.

I don't generally like this guy's fashion subjects

so why do I keep him in my feed, again?

perhaps because every once in awhile,

I stumble on things like this:

and ... um ...

WHAT??

I can has swedish vacation cottage??

if I had money, here's what I would do:

thing 1 - hop on a plane to provo (of all places)

thing 2 - buy flowers every week

thing 3 - get all of the awesome art prints

that I want to put in the house I don't have yet

thing 7 (because I like that number) -

buy lots and lots of pretty dresses

the end.

like comin' back home again

2010-10-07T10:44:00.003-04:00

VERMONT!

well, I didn't take any pictures of the houses and only about 3 pictures of people during my whole trip and none of them really turned out, so you'll just have to wait until the bajillion photographers who were there put something up for me to borrow :)

in the meantime, here are some things I did take pictures of:

the woodstock library

which was followed by a lovely stroll through town

and my only purchase of the entire trip - a $5 notebook, of course

the "grand canyon" of the east

essentially a pretty gorge

that was actually much deeper and prettier than it appears here

a view of the lake

a bit behind the snapdragon inn

which was a fantastic place

I want to go back and stay there !!

and you should come too !

no, seriously, it's an amazing bed & breakfast

in beautiful vermont.

everyone should go.

we missed the full leaf change by a few weeks, I think

but it was still incredibly beautiful.

and romantic.

it. was. SO. wonderful. to see andy.

the wedding was perfect - rob & leilani were so happy

and so everyone else was too

I am so so glad I could go

this isn't vermont.

this is just me and totoro :)

fools

2010-10-05T21:45:00.004-04:00

um ... friends. this is good stuff.

back in a jiffy

2010-09-29T21:18:00.003-04:00

the countdown has FINALLY ended!

andy is on his flight

I leave tomorrow on the 28x flyer

(bus to the airport)

at 6.20 in the morning

and in only 14 hours

I will be with my boyfriend again

sigh :)

for a whole 4 long days

for a lovely weekend wedding

with andy's family

in vermont

beautiful beautiful vermont

at this place:

I promise I won't forget my camera this time

a dichotomy of things

2010-09-24T14:29:00.005-04:00

I really like doing laundry

- I love the smell of fresh towels and shirts crisp from rack-drying and full armloads of clothes straight out of the dryer

- I love the clean feel of new sheets on my bed

- and dryer sheets. I love dryer sheets. and cleaning the lint out of the dryer filter.

I really don't like making beds

(that are situated against the wall)

- I don't think I've ever had a bed that hasn't had one edge against a wall and for a meticulous, methodical person like myself, I hate not being able to tuck the sheets the way I want to or get the corners neat in the one corner where you have to be on top of the mattress in order to get to it.

- if this is too complicated and I'm the only one who ever thinks about these things ... well ... they're important.

I really like cleaning mirrors with newspaper and vinegar

- I had kind of heard of this before but dismissed it because ... newspapers are dirty. dirty things cannot clean other things. sufficiently, that is. then, one cleaning check, we didn't have any windex or paper towels and lorien was like, here just use these, and I was like -_- okay ... and it totally worked, more amazingly than anything else. no streaks! and it smells like delicious vinegar! which reminds me of sweet and sour sauce! yum!

- in other words, I am totally converted. and cleaning mirrors no longer has to be an exercise in streak-control-obsessiveness because there are no streaks to worry about! and did I mention that vinegar is yummy?

I really don't like watering plants

- actually, I do. but I always forget to. so I feel like a plant killer. because I am. most of the time. for once I was finally keeping my plants alive and then I had to take them on a cross-country road trip and ... I survived. but they didn't.

- in short, one day I will manage to grow something and keep it alive. in the meantime, I have a black thumb :(

I really like crushed ice more than cubed ice

... there is nothing more to say

I really don't like not having a job

... again, there is nothing more to say.

and finally ...

I really really like this:

andy sent me a totoro. it is amazing :)

andy ga watashi ni ai shiteru kara watashi wa totoro atta

(spelling?)

ie. ie. wasureta?

sunday

2010-09-19T14:39:00.003-04:00

I'm home for the weekend - yay!

do you ever get into a mode where you are seriously uncomfortable - headache, tired, starving, thirsty, etc. - but you don't do anything about it, even though you're miserable? that happens to me all the time, especially when I get a headache - it just seems counter-intuitive to take an advil. I don't know why.

I think sometimes it's because the physical discomfort seems to be a manifestation of your thoughts or your mood and there's a strange satisfaction that you are feeling both emotionally and physically at the same time, like your body is in on it too. and who am I to thwart such synchronization?

it's weird. it's like I don't want to feel better. there's a vindication in feeling it all to the fullest. this almost always hurts me more than anything else - like vindication always does - like when I ate all the rest of the pumpkin bars, waaaayyy more than I could/should actually eat, out of spite for the roommates who ate most of them when they weren't supposed to ...

sometimes I can be so juvenile. at least I'm not running a country or anything, like some of the juveniles we've got in this world. (this is not a stab at obama. this is a stab at all of them. international relations is like a themed birthday party for 5 year olds. "but I wanted the corner piece that had the blue flower on it and the YELLOW candle!!" "how come he gets more ice cream than me?" until it comes to outright hitting and stringing people up to be the pinata. this metaphor is rather ... extended.)

okay I'm done.

church was kind of bipolar today. my home ward is a freaking baby-making machine and sacrament meeting was so loud from the childrens that I almost couldn't hear the speakers. it was the sound of 20 fruit snack packages being opened at once, a host of fussy babies and cheerfully blabbering toddlers, and on up the ranks.

then sunday school was excellent - exactly what it should be and what it so often isn't. the teacher was there to bring the spirit and let the spirit teach the class members, and he did. it was amazing and edifying.

then everything kind of went back to hectic/crazy. I had to literally wade through hosts of small children in order to get out of the building.

I am literally broke and I hate being poor. it's not even about buying things - I don't need to buy things - it's about not being able to when I have to - it's about having a constant stress that maybe things aren't going to be okay.

also, I'm hungry and I miss my boyfriend. that most of all.

back to pittsburgh, home again home again jiggedy jig

shorn

2010-09-16T19:03:00.004-04:00

I got a haircut! do you like it?

actually, don't answer that.

I like it. a lot :)

I just love love love short hair.

moving in

2010-09-12T17:40:00.004-04:00

building furnitures with my momma

in my new room

the neighbor gato who was chilling on our windowsill one day

pretty much the sweetest cat ever

I played with it outside today

and it loved me to death.

see - I'm dead.

a sight I saw on my way to the shadyside art festival

a mural on maple street where the art festival was

I really had to resist taking pictures of some of the art

the artists probably wouldn't have minded, if I'd asked,

I sometimes have to remind myself that I'm not in france anymore

the package my new dress came in

courtesy of angela from seesaw vintage

the dress is perfect :)

I'm wearing it to andy's brother's vermont wedding

now I just need some awesome new shoes. sigh.

most recent puzzle accomplishment

the pieces were very strange shapes

which made it surprisingly difficult

~

2010-09-11T01:57:00.004-04:00

"the bruises go away,

and so does how you hate,

and so does the feeling

that everything you receive from life

is something you have earned."

- everything is illuminated

I take pictures of trees, clouds & shadows.

also wildlife. and sculptures.

and myself. but I delete most of those.

beautiful

2010-09-10T21:51:00.004-04:00

I was newly inspired by zina to catch up on my google reader, which has been stuck on a steady 700+ for far too long. and in the last couple of days, I've tackled that weighty number into a submissive 227. I admit there are some I don't really have an interest in anymore and I ought to just clean things out, but while I have renewed energy to read blogs, I don't have a renewed energy to re-evaluate my interest in them right now. so some I just mark as all read and move on. and some I re-discover and it's great :)

I ran across a blog* that I haven't had much interest in and still don't, but it contained a kind of treasure that I really needed right now. having a boyfriend who is all kinds of wonderful, he's always telling me how beautiful I am and I actually have a really hard time hearing it - there's a powerful internal resistance to accepting that I'm pretty and then I get all anxious ... anyway, I'm working on it, but these thoughts were just really important to me:

beautiful

adj.

having beauty; having qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about, etc.; delighting the senses or mind; excellent of its kind; wonderful; very pleasing or satisfying; extraordinary; incredible

If there is something in you that is still trying to earn God's good graces, you have not accepted the greatest gift you have ever been offered: God's forgiveness and mercy.

you are more beautiful than you will ever know.

*thanks

vow.

slightly (un)settled

2010-09-01T23:21:00.003-04:00

I am in pittsburgh

it is a lovely city

and I may not be in love with it yet

but already it feels like home

not everything is unpacked

but I built some furniture

and my clothes smell like pine wood

and my books are shelved

the bus isn't as reliable as I'd like

but the bus drivers are kind

and I can hop on pretty much any of them

and it'll get me home

I walked into my building on monday

and surrounded by students

along the halls

I felt like I belong

and already the faces appear

with smiles and questions

and I walk out of my way

to keep the conversation going

I eat toast with marmalade for brunch

because evening classes

and puzzles and phone calls

make for late mornings

when I walk the streets

I feel a kind of liberation

a lightness in the soles of my feet

and only you are missing

beirut is the soundtrack of this city

and my waking dreams are vivid

and I really need to get a job

so I'll be too busy to think of you so much

the happenings

2010-08-28T23:52:00.004-04:00

timp cave

carried hazel all the way down

felt quite happily like backpacking

spike, mabel's pet hedgehog

REI joy

salt lake cathedral w/ andy

the chick chick chickies

roosting and looking so evil

baby zuri!

story forthcoming

my momma's so cute

lake michigan love

busy busy busy

2010-08-27T23:28:00.002-04:00

wow I have neglected you all ---

but I have REASONS!! important REASONS!! for this:

- my family arrived

- I graduated. with my momma. it was fun :) (pictures to come forthwith)

- dinner at yamato. heavenly.

- I packed all of my stuff in an amazingly concise way and packed it into the van even more amazingly

- I said good-bye to my most excellent boyfriend who I love, which was really hard to do, and rode for 5 days across the country with dad and charlie

- spent less than a week at home doing all kinds of productive things, like living at ikea, and completely scouring "my" car, inside and out, just so it could be taken to the shop, because it's dying and I don't get to drive it after all ... the car situation needs a remedy. quick.

- I spend time every day looking for cheap flights so I can once again see my most excellent boyfriend who I love. in case you weren't sure, in case you were wondering, long distance relationships are not fun. believe me. it hasn't even been 2 weeks yet.

- I moved all my stuff into my (abundantly shared) house and built a bunch of furniture with my momma. we were awesome. until it came to the dresser knobs. those knobs kicked my trash. I gave up. so there's still 2 loose knobs. fiends.

- today I had new student orientation for gspia (graduate school of public and international affairs) which was very interesting and informative, but long and I'm exhausted and came home and accidentally slept for 5 hours.

school starts on monday. I will soon share pictures of all of these exciting events, and some of pittsburgh, as soon as I do anything other than grocery shopping. I think I will be doing a lot of exploring on my own because I want to get to know this city. there's an outdoor art festival tomorrow I will hopefully make it to, for starters - a good chance to explore shadyside.

p.s. I really really really need a good job. any job. but hopefully a good job. prayers and job offers would be nice.

p.p.s. I live in squirrel hill. it is cozy and jewish and old and I like it already.

okay, scrap the postscripts, I have more things to say.

I'm getting old :( I've started getting motion sickness over simple things, like reading on the porch swing (yes - I have a porch swing!) pretty soon I won't be able to take roller coasters. this is depressing.

you remember those sandals I superglued? well, they're still awesome. and don't give me blisters - huzzah - as I start exploring this city.

almost goodbye

2010-08-09T13:23:00.004-04:00

it is really hard to believe that utah is almost over. everything is happening so fast and slow.

- I turned in the final copies of my thesis for binding, all fixed up, edited again, printed and signed. oh hallelujah.

- there's a fiasco with my senior seminar class not accepting the OPI I took in the spring, so we'll see what happens with that. in my life, there is always a fiasco with something.

- I still don't technically have a place to live in pittsburgh. I have a couple of options I've been looking at, but just this morning I finally got in contact with some people from the ward and it looks like I'll have a small room for very cheap, living with the relief society president and one of her counselors. so, a cheap place with good people in a good neighborhood. it's not all set, but I think this is going to work out and I'm so relieved.

- me and andy are still scrambling to do some last minute things we've been wanting to do. also trying to spend as much time as possible together. I am so not excited to be away from him.

- the family arrives! tomorrow!

- also, I'm going to the zoo :)
:) :) :) hooray

saturday mornings in the wilk

2010-07-31T13:10:00.001-04:00

don't mind if I do ...

poem-trees

2010-07-31T11:43:00.004-04:00

refound this poem of a couple months ago
I actually neglected to date it
but it came after the poem of february 19th
and before the poem of may 7th
so it must be somewhere in there ...

~

one hand in the trees
one hand on your heart
it's a long stretch across this vast unknown
my fingers traverse mist and cloud
through my tomb and shroud
and stream
until they reach that quickening beat
your gentle skin heat
beneath your breast pocket.

one hand in the trees
one hand to the east
where the birdsong happens to call my name
on the weary wind's last protest
an ancient caress
and sigh
until it eases into my lungs
a breath that beckons
with each quiet exhale.

one hand is reaching
the other's in yours
my joints can't take the pressure much longer
over this still-widening crack
that never goes back
to smooth
but lingers like harsh words or a song
that doesn't belong
whose notes still hang in the air.

~

a snippet:

is that really me, that whirlwind
that flies in the wind
and flings to the ocean
and trails in the field
- her joy?

john wayne gacy jr

2010-07-31T11:19:00.002-04:00

his father was a drinker
and his mother cried in bed
folding John Wayne's t-shirts
when the swingset hit his head

the neighbors, they adored him
for his humor and his conversation
look underneath the house there
find the few living things, rotting fast
in their sleep all were dead

twenty-seven people, even more
they were boys, with their cars
summer jobs
oh my god
are you one of them?

he dressed up like a clown for them
with his face paint white and red
and on his best behavior
in a dark room on the bed he kissed them all

he'd kill ten thousand people
with a slight of his hand
running far, running fast
to the dead

he took off all their clothes for them
he put a cloth on their lips
quiet hands, quiet kiss
on the mouth

and on my best behavior
i am really just like him
look beneath the floor boards
for the secrets i have hid

john wayne gacy jr.
sufjan stevens

it's a creepy song, filled with so much sadness, and it's been on my mind.

you think it's so baffling, so impossible, how someone could do such evil. how do you go from a sweet little boy to a serial killer? how can he have changed so much?

but we all have seen it, in milder terms - the change in someone that happens so gradually you barely recognize it until there's a moment, down the road, when that person says or does something and it jars with who that person was to you and it becomes profoundly clear - you realize, with a pang, that person is gone. they chose, a little bit at a time, to become someone else. and you cannot bring them back.

this conversation makes me happy

2010-07-30T15:30:00.002-04:00

gregoryh40: hey christina

moi: hiya

gregoryh40: guess what

moi: what?

oo oo i know

you're not a robot

gregoryh40: dang it how did you know

moi: i'm skilled like that :)

gregoryh40: we get the haight's dog Sadie for THREE WEEKS

moi: when?

why?

jealousss

that little pooper is adorable

gregoryh40: yup and mom says she can sleep with me but dad says she can't

moi: she can sleep with ME!

cause i'm not allergic

or we can take turns, how bout that?

gregoryh40: are you coming home?

---

moi: mbye

gregoryh40: wuz that a maybe or a bye

moi: it was a mmm

and a bye

together!

at last!

gregoryh40: okay BYE!! :D

hep hep hep

2010-07-29T14:34:00.003-04:00

friendly friends that frequent my blog - (because the people who zip in, mostly from foreign countries, for only 5 seconds, or even milliseconds at a time, I love you and wish you would stay but I'm going to be realistic here) -
...
please take my survey!! https://byu.qualtrics.com/SE?SID=SV_cwti7dmUab0pIQA
I took a training class in qualtrics survey making for work and I need some results so I can analyze them all cool and proper. also, I made a survey that actually interests me, so I'd really like to know what you think.

I flood the interwebs with my pleas for survey participants. hopefully the overload of gmail, facebook, twitter and blog doesn't break something ...

a poll! how exciting!

2010-07-29T12:45:00.000-04:00

View Qualtrics PollQualtrics Survey SoftwareEnterprise Feedback Management

more recent musics

2010-07-28T18:07:00.003-04:00

arcade fire - funeral
beirut - gulag orkestar
esperanza spalding
the flaming lips
frightened rabbit - the winter of mixed drinks
jonsi - go do
the national - high violet
of montreal - the sunlandic twins
olof arnalds
she & him - volume one
sondre lerche - faces down
sufjan stevens - illinoise
loney, dear

I'm not writing a review - I'm just making you watch it

2010-07-20T14:52:00.003-04:00

hey, friends.
you might not know about my neighbor totoro.
but you really should.
I promise.

now you have to go watch it.

no. really.

...

going to get some flowers

sammykins

2010-07-17T16:15:00.003-04:00

mom called to tell me on thursday that they put sammie down.

she was old - blind and deaf and feeble

skin diseases and incontinence

and she had some kind of stroke a few weeks ago

I guess it was time to say goodbye.

I was sad.

I'm gonna miss you, sammie girl

so much

a hood canal history

2010-07-17T12:28:00.002-04:00

the house we stayed at on the hood canal sparked my imagination with its age. kind of like trees, it makes me wonder what the house has seen. I poemed it:

the wooden floors creak with the weight of ghosts
that live on through us, the still-breathing hosts
of an old house history
enablers - or partakers?
as past scenes we replay.

upstairs - a young man lays down his new bride
and oh so gently, to the soft dove's cry,
undoes each pearl button
the whole length of her dress,
down to her sweet skin glow.

below - in the heat of a midnight wrath
a man lashes out at the face in his path -
tender love she spoke but
now he cradles her head,
weeping, bloody & broke.

by the stove - mother pulls steaming warmth
from the heat and stoops to snuggle her fourth -
a quiet, clinging child
who will play just outside
and always comes when called.

out on the deck - a withered woman waits
patient and frail in the arms of the Fates
she gathers her shawl as
the dusk settles in and
her breath ebbs with the tide.

the door handles stick and the hinges squeak
the house spirit will find a way to speak
as our stories combine
with the voices long dead
- imprints we barely find.

outdoor adventures

2010-07-17T11:15:00.009-04:00

a few journal-ish notes I jotted down each night of my backpacking trip that I stumbled upon in one of my many many notebooks.

1st night:

- lots of hurt - back, bruising on love handles & hips, precarious knees
- very thirsty
- lots of lovely wind
- sometimes felt like I should be in more authentic clothes, like pants & tunic in a desert in the Middle East or Sahara
- sometimes, with some distance from the group, felt like an individual quest
- more about the endurance, the will-power, the independence
- I find it a forbidding landscape. sometimes it can be strikingly pretty; rugged, ancient, haggard.
- enjoying it as an experience, not as an actual natural communion or landscape
- I think this is the first time I've actually been camping - owp, no, river rafting. but almost. I always knew I loved it.

2nd night:

- ow. very precarious knees. I was seriously worried. and my back is dead. shoulders & hips fine, though.
- feels awesome to drink natural in-the-wild water (filtered, bien sur)
- long long long day. much easier when the distances and goals were definitive, much harder when we didn't know
- frustrating pace of slowness & frustrating when the group would wait up and then take off so we didn't have a break
- loved the narrows - crawling, lots of time in the water, also the point where I knew our goals & I felt so much happier - even sang a few Andrew Bird songs as we went
- Melissa & Abby are hilarious. love being with them
- in the water, with the snake grass on the sides and my pack - felt like Vietnam
- with poncho, felt like a hobbit
- some beautiful sandstone cliffs
- good backpacking experience, having fun despite some crappy situations - would love it MUCH more in the shenandoah.

whoever put this picture on facebook labeled me as 'granola'
... really?

I went camping up American Fork Canyon with andy on thursday night. I think we fared quite well for 2 rather inexperienced campers :) we were going to go with his sister mary and the kids but she decided she needed to get some other stuff done instead. I was so sad at another outdoor adventure falling through that andy said, hey let's go anyway! and we did and it made me so happy.

our plan was to camp on the north side of the alpine loop so we could drive down and hike up to timp cave early in the morning before it got too hot. we planned to camp at granite flat, but the campsites were all full, so we headed over to some more free-spirited camping right next door. we found a great little spot under some lovely trees and right next to the creek (andy informs me that I am not allowed to make fun of people who say 'crik'. thanks to bloomability, I wasn't planning on it).

well, neither of us slept very well in the cold (my joints never do too well with quick temperature changes) so when we woke up in the morning and should've gotten up to go hiking, we didn't. we lazed around and slept some more in the warmer morning. and then it took us like a million years to roll up the self-inflatable pads - true to their REI customer reviews, they didn't compact down to stuff sack size very well.

so then we didn't quite have time to do the hike, take the cave tour, and get home for showers before I had to be at work. instead, we mosied around tibble fork reservoir, skipped some stones, waded in the freezing water, before we drove the alpine loop the long way home. it was lovely :)

the reservoir

on the loop:

of course, andy was adorable in all of the pictures we took
but for some strange reason, I looked like a fool every time
so here's all you get of me:

I love my keens :)

ahhh I can't wait to get my own camping gear!!
I recently got my own climbing harness.
next step, sleeping bag and pad
(pfft who needs a tent anyway? not me)
then ... BACKPACK!

bastille day at carcassonne

2010-07-14T13:37:00.002-04:00

one year ago today

I miss france

a lot :(

dreamblog

2010-07-09T11:20:00.002-04:00

---

me and dad in a church building, supposedly during church time, but there was a big reception going on, with tables and chairs set up in the cultural hall but also a big set-up in the hallway and some of the other rooms. anniversary celebration for eric and lynne stout. holding plaster masks of themselves, one guy still had plaster all over his face. taking pictures with an old accordion-style camera. I was talking to a black guy about my studies and we were speaking in french, my accent was not very good, and a black boy was sitting around listening.

---

me and andy - we keep diving into this giant aquarium and playing with this smallish killer whale. I would bring a fish in my pocket for him. he was super cute and friendly. last time we dived in to visit, there was a bigger whale, and we could see the bottom of a boat, and a creepy carnivore fish was trying to get the mini fish in my pocket, so I gave it to it. we looked for the killer whale, very worried, and found it attached to the wall of the aquarium, lying on the wall on its stomach, and attached to the wall by two tubes with large round pumps on the ends attached to the wall, like a breathing machine and the whale was ... wheezing? breathing with difficulty. I was very sad. then the creepy fish was kind of chasing us. it wasn't attacking, but it was being antagonistic and aggressive and scary. when we tried to get out of the aquarium, it would go out into the water "hallway" and head us off every time we tried. eventually we got out.

---

some kind of camping thing. I think with some of the people from my backpacking class, including patti, the teacher. measuring dirt into mason jars to take out for catholes, but there were tons of little daddylonglegs in the dirt. I kept trying to get dirt without d.l.legs, but it was hard. for some reason, the d.l.legs kind of swarmed to my right armpit, but only there. there was a gigantic spider, six or seven inches across. turned out to be a black widow, very clearly when I saw its underside when I knocked it down. right about when I was showing it to patti, another student had found another one. patti killed it, but not mine yet - I was paranoid about squishing it and ended up inadvertently stepping on it anyway. there was a little train between our camp and a stop in town. we rode it a few times.

---

in a horse race, I was the jockey, the horse was young and inexperience and fast (of course - isn't this how all jockey stories go down?) on the racecourse. we have a couple of narrow misses where horses around us go down. one in particular, I'm looking behind me and the horse behind goes totally down, in slow motion, jockey trapped beneath. we don't manage to stay on the track the whole time, because I was backwards on the horse or something and turning back around to get back up the right way scared the horse.

at an apartment, mine, living with kristin depalma and lesa. lesa made pumpkin pie - trying to decide if it could be entered in some competition, but she seemed to think it was overdone. kristin broke andy's computer somehow - it was sitting upside down in a blue butterfly chair in her room. but for some reason, this meant his car was broken. did she break that, too? she was supposed to get it fixed, but apparently she ran off for the weekend with a bunch of laundry and not a word about it.

babysitting

2010-07-07T17:27:00.002-04:00

I spent 3 days watching the kids last week while celesta was at girls camp

the escapades:

a plane I made for maxwell out of cork wood from a tree in the backyard

it took about 6 tries - I kept accidentally snapping the plane body

it's only about 3 or 4 inches long

the cast! in his favorite colors, no less.

he told me I could draw a dragon on it, but we never got around to designing it ...

maxwell & milo

this pretty much sums up their relationship

victoria & patch

and this pretty much sums up their relationship

severe pampering

okay, I admit

I'm not immune to them either

such cute gatos pequenos

there's a nice shot of my poison ivy here

I spared you a close-up, though it was very epic

we set up the family tent (despite a very windy day)

and of course, it became a place to lounge with the cats

in sum - lots of time spent with cats

also, lots of fun :)

okay washington. i love you.

2010-06-29T19:39:00.008-04:00

so, guess who completely forgot to pack her camera before leaving on vacation to washington state? yes, yours truly. and I am seriously so depressed about it. then again, it's yet another reason to go back ... not that I need a reason. I could go back right now. I LOVED IT. I'm going to find some stock pictures to give you an idea.

this isn't quite the view from the ferry, but close enough

pike place market was amazing! andy and I both got some books from a used book shop - I got a couple of matching old signet classic editions of northanger abbey and pride & prejudice - the cover art is so clever and just my style. I got a beautiful pashmina scarf for cheap from 'el gringo imports' - a place which also had an exact replica of my very own (I thought) incredibly unique alpaca sweater. I still felt cool :) I also got 2 $5 sterling silver rings. andy got smoked salmon and bought me the loveliest sweetpeas. they made me feel so pretty.

the flower market had the most beautiful fresh peonies in light and deep pink hues and the most enormous bouquets, that you'd pay 45 or 50 for in a flower shop, were only 20 at most. it was incredible.

here's where we were staying on the map:

we went with suzy and patrick and the kids (who were delightful) and they rented the most gorgeous, perfect little house on the hood canal. it was quite old (built 1920) and beautifully restored and furnished. all wood floors, narrow staircases, windows everywhere. it was just heavenly.

there is no question. it was amazing. so so want to go back.

we were staying right on the edge of olympic national forest, but we drove around to the other side to do the hikes we had in mind. we went hiking in the quinault valley of the forest. it was so perfect, that hike. my favorite part of the whole trip. (except maybe for riding the ferry out of seattle at 10 pm with a full moon and the city skyline all lit up and holding my boyfriend in the wind) (yeah except that)

they even had slugs!! like this one:

AND I have discovered that I really like driving long distances. this was my first time driving on a road trip and though I got tired, I actually like driving! a lot! which was convenient, because andy does not very much.

too bad there aren't any stock photos of me and my boyfriend to be found on the internet. cause we would have looked lovely in washington. in fact, we did.

balance

2010-06-16T23:47:00.003-04:00

success: using superglue as a tool for awesome
- fixed my hand-held mirror
- fixed my leather sandals that wouldn't stay on my feet (NOW they will - bwahahah)

fail: missed 2 shifts of work already this term
- won't get a raise if it happens again

success: aced my religion final 99%
- only studied for 45 minutes

fail: went to see toy story 3 yesterday
- it doesn't come out til friday ...

success: got up the courage to get my ears pierced
- it totally didn't hurt

fail: my skin did so much better when I was backpacking
- even with sunscreen & sweat
- too bad I can't live in the wild - I would

backpacking!!!

2010-06-16T23:18:00.003-04:00

went on the backpacking trip for my class this past weekend - thursday through saturday - down at the tip of the escalante national park on boulder mail trail. it was so. much. fun. it was also a series of unfortunate events :
- forgot my t.p. and all my ziploc and trashbags while transferring my gear into my backpack
- went 3 miles the wrong way and had to start over again
- locked the truck key in the van at the wrong end of the trail
- pace problems with some people that made for a long long 2nd day
- stuck in the narrows in the rain in flash flood areas
- RAIN and hail too.
it was pretty crazy. but I loved it. I had such a good time! I was completely amazed at my body's ability to carry that much weight without trouble and to go that long. I can't wait to do it again. though while everyone was raving about the landscape, I was thinking to myself I hate this miserable landscape and spent all my time looking at the exquisite sky and clouds. that was just the first desert day - after that we were down in death hollow and the red rock and greenery along the creek was lovely. I'd still choose the shenandoahs any day.

at the end of the trail

I was very much proud of the efficiency of my pack - only used up half the backpack space - and I always knew where everything was. there were some people who had way more than they needed and could never find stuff. I guess that's one advantage of being a categoric, organizing person.

I have some sweet bruises on my knee and many battle wounds on my legs from the murderous underbrush. but no poison ivy! which is amazing, considering the amount of poison ivy we walked through. also, my calves are awesome. if only I could go backpacking every weekend.

shhh -- you should listen when the stars are speaking

2010-06-05T17:36:00.006-04:00

whisper sky grey kitten

with your paws on the hood of the car

you're always trying to get in

and I always want to eat you --

with love, of course.

who waits for the tender touch

of your sandpaper tongue

dragged ever so haltingly across

the palm? and your daintiness --

to land in the lap?

chuchote, petit chat du ciel gris

et murmure tes secrets sur mon oreiller

si seulement je pourrais te comprendre,

grand miracle des étoiles --

hors de ma fenêtre.

attends, chéri, la tendresse qui touche

à l'intérieur profond de l'âme,

exprimée de la sensation de ce monde

loin, au-delà de toi --

sorcier de finesse.

shhh -- chuchote

à mes yeux encore --

sky kitten.

late

2010-06-04T13:43:00.001-04:00

isn't my boyfriend adorable?
he is adorable :)

duck duck duckies

2010-06-02T21:46:00.002-04:00

food escapades (and other things)

carrie made korean for dinner (she served her mission in korea) and it was so delicious.
this is my very empty bowl.
that I emptied ONLY with korean chopsticks.
I was amazingly skillful, I have to say.

pastorero!
i love you

I got a kid's meal (3 pastor tacos instead of 6)
and when I opened it up, there was a freaking smiley churro
and it made me so so happy :)

oceane came to visit and
- amazingness -
reluctantly permitted a photo
LOVE

I'm trying to remember to take more pictures
so I've been sticking my camera in my backpack
I kind of forgot it was there until I saw this adorable duck family

then I was looking for beautiful utah things to photograph
so, timp, of course:

it's so much easier to enjoy the beauty of utah when it's unmarred by meteorological misery.

seriously?

2010-05-24T12:33:00.006-04:00

okay, utah. this is ridiculous. do you want everyone to hate you? cause if you keep this up, THEY WILL.

woke up to wet road sounds, but didn't realize it was snowing until clémence peeked out the window and said, have you seen the weather? it's a thick wet snow that leaves an inch-thick layer of pure slush everywhere followed by a lovely layer of freezing rain. I do not have the clothes (or shoes) for this. most of my jeans and sweaters and jackets are in storage in celesta's quanset. I kept neglecting to go pick up a pair of jeans and a couple of sweaters for the longest time because I figured, hey, it can't be cold for that much longer, I can stick it out. well, I've been putting up with too-chilly weather for a month now and I've had ENOUGH.

utah. please. I know you need attention and all that, but this is excessive. you need to act your age.

things:
- I'm considering accutane. kind of a scary thought, but I've been reading up on it.
- I feel so uncomfortable in my clothes today. meeehh I hate that feeling.
- I over-match my clothes far too often without even realizing it. it's kind of ridiculous.

- :0 stress

- I keep forgetting how helpful journal-writing is for me. I should remember to do it more often.

I'm assuming most of you are not inundated with snow this day, so I don't even need to wish you a happy day because no snow is the only prerequisite. so you're set.

i'm back

2010-05-19T18:18:00.003-04:00

sorry it's been awhile because:

+ the WEDDING! which was lovely lovely lovely and lots of fun. I actually didn't take a single picture with my own camera, so you'll just have to wait for me to get my hands on some more pictures than the few I've been able to scrounge from others. my dresses and shoes looked great, the music joe and I played for the ceremony sounded great, carolyn was beautiful, as was the beach, and the reception, and I had so much fun just dancing and singing and messing around all weekend, meeting people and having a great time. fun love yay!

+ oh my goodness honors - the deadline for portfolio and thesis submission was the friday was gone for the wedding and I wasn't able to get it all done before I left. so essentially, I sent an email and hoped for mercy or else honors wouldn't be happening for me. turns out I got mercy and they gave me an extension on everything - I turned in the portfolio on monday, my thesis proposal today, and my thesis is due on june 1st. so needless to say, I'll be pretty darn busy writing my thesis for the next just-less-than-two-weeks. wish me luck.

+ I like to spend all of my waking hours with my boyfriend. not much of an excuse, but ... it sort of is. sorry.

with several dresses in tow

2010-05-10T21:31:00.005-04:00

- utah is ridiculous (often)

- I like my momma. a lot. (in fact, I love her)

- lists are awesome

- so are my corduroy shoes (and my pink ones, but we already knew that)

- urgentcare at the health center was ... not as bad as I thought it would be? sometimes being a woman is crappy.

- wedding! leave on wednesday for carolyn's beach wedding with uke, viola, and several dresses in tow. and that's about it. trying to get it all in one carry-on. wish me luck :)

escapades:

success!

cheesecake extravaganza (woah, that's a weirder word than I remembered)

my coworkers are sillies

setting up the 'recording studio'

me with my crazy long hair (it's about half as short now)

andy - strewn about

packing! (carload 1)

a delightful afternoon with maxwell

our date dinner - we concocted that and it was delicious (and beautiful)

roommates! lesa, alison, me, clemence

sha-ZAM!

stockings and skirts

2010-05-08T14:38:00.003-04:00

what if I sang til my vocal chords broke

and I had nothing left but a whispery croak

and my fingers

til the day I died?

and if I shaved off all my hair, just to be free

of it? of them? what then?

and if I peeled off my clothes and left them

in a pile at the old stone wall

and lay in the sand with the tide

licking my ankles and reaching up

to kiss my bare curves as I married myself to the sun?

would you kiss me too?

what if I climbed into the highest tree

I could find,

with wings glued to my shoulder blades,

and refused to come down

for dinner?

or if I packed a suitcase full of shortbread biscuits,

stockings and skirts,

packed it full and dragged it out

to the bottom of the lane

and sat on it til the sun waned -

waiting?

would you bring tea for the biscuits?

what if you walked away from me and disappeared

like a phantom

to shape-shift into someone I never knew?

would bullets hurt you?

or words reach you?

or desperation draw you back to my arms?

would your features haunt me?

or the details taunt me?

- surprise attacks -

on a day I thought I had managed to forget you

- peppery bursts of 'friendly fire'

that take me out at the knees

it's okay

I guess I don't need my knees

one one

2010-05-07T13:36:00.002-04:00

putt putt saves the zoo

2010-05-06T18:41:00.005-04:00

so I discovered a treasure while I was working in the LRC (oops - media center) last night. I was walking the lab (like I'm supposed to) though not every 15 minutes (like I'm supposed to) and I came across a little stack of lined papers torn from a notepad. on closer observation, it was a stack of children's drawings. I thought they were so awesome that I zoinked them and scanned them all into the computer. and I will use them when I deem them appropriate. cause some of them, I feel instinctively, will be very appropriate. this is one of my favorites:

the zoo!

can you spy - the giraffe, elephant, camel, crocodile, raccoon/lemur/fennec fox, and the caged ... mouse? (not to mention the dead person on the ground - awesome)

laptop dilemmas

2010-05-04T01:34:00.002-04:00

(once upon a time there was a tall boy named andy)

(and he loved technologies so much that one day, they posed him a serious problem)

(the technologies that competed for his love offered him many different things so that his poor heart was confounded)

(and he didn't know which to choose to grow old with)

(one played hard to get)

(codename: jetpack)

(one played the sophisticate)

(codename: sony)

(one played the most convenient - though she happened to be the ugliest and held the least appeal - she just wasn't his type, you know)

(codename: transformer)

(in the end, he deliberated so long and so hard that he never could decide)

(his head exploded!)

(so his father's check sat unspent)

(and the computers gave their love to another)

(the end)

(for the record, when his head explodes, it explodes into stars and there is nothing gross at all whatsoever)

also, I love sushi

2010-05-03T12:50:00.004-04:00

+ I think it's funny how my brain goes on super-dream-raves where I remember all of my dreams vividly and other times where there's a long lapse where I can't remember anything and it's like sleep is actually restful. and boring.
+ I like the taste of pepto bismol but I've never actually tasted it.
+ I packed up all of my warm clothes and left them at celesta's house because it was supposed to be spring and warm - but it's still wintry and freezing. but I know if I go pick up a jacket and a few sweaters it will immediately become summer.
+ walking around campus looking at the grounds flowers, I really want to pick the pansies and eat them. the fact that pansies are edible and actually really yummy is pretty much the only thing I have retained from achievement days activities.
+ I hemmed my pants yesterday by hand - I felt really handy and awesome. I'm still not sure enough of myself to measure and cut and then hem pants (these ones could have gone even shorter) - as it is, I just refolded where the previous hemline was and sewed it up.
+ andy taught me concepts of computer science and the beginnings of binary and it was actually super-duper fun. math? fun? it's kind of weirding me out. next up - calculus (because I forgot most everything I ever learned about calculus)

goals for creative projects I actually want to spend time on:
- finish edgar mortimer series (and pursue my ideas for 2 other drawing series)
- create a mandala
- try a new medium (watercolors perhaps)
- learn '9 crimes' on the piano
- learn 'dog days are over' on the uke
- play an instrument every day
- and keep writing poetry - finish the latest poem I started
the real way to do all of these is to unpack my last box. I've been wanting to work on all of these things but my poetry notebook, my art supplies and drawing paper are all in the bottom of that box. I should've finished unpacking and decorated my room this weekend - instead I got a haircut (hallelujah) and went to ikea and other fun stuffs.

also, I've had an address change netflix fiasco. hopefully 'my neighbor totoro' will finally get here and everything will be sorted out.

also, I love sushi.

the end.

7 moves to get next door

2010-04-30T15:46:00.003-04:00

that's right, I'm back in the FLSR. and so so happy to be there.
here is a catalogue of my seven moves of the last seven days:
out of flsr to andy's car
andy's car to celesta & paul's quanset
quanset to car
car to apartment 16
apartment 16 to apartment 13
to car
to home sweet home - apartment 360

which is literally three feet away from where I started out in apt 370
woe is me (and woe is andy, poor boy - seven moves!)
it's okay, though - if this is what it takes for me to realize what really makes me happy and where I really want to be, I'm okay with that as long as I end up where I'm happy
and I am! I am so happy to be back.

my roommates are awesome:
- I share a room with clemence (from bordeaux) who is funny and sweet and not allergic to sunlight - and though she was looking forward to having her own room, I know her from the french house last year, she likes me, and I speak french well, so she feels understood and it's good
- one roommate, lesa, is a french major, african studies and international development minor - does that sound familiar to anyone?
- one roommate, christeen, is a piano performance major, which is also awesome (and which matches clemence's organ masters quite well)
- alison is just all-around a really cool girl
- carrie is ... andy's ex-girlfriend. haha. I was worried at first that it would be awkward or something, but it's totally not. she's a really sweet girl and I like her a lot already.

it's amazing how things worked out - that marie-laure could put me back in the french house on such short notice for spring and summer, that I could move in last night, that I feel so at home already (without even having unpacked!) and that my roommates are so good.

my class schedule, which had a moment of catastrophe, is all worked out - I'm taking the conversation class so I can be in the french house and auditing rock-climbing (because their day excursion is also the first day of my backpacking class trip) so I'm taking religion, conversation, and backpacking and auditing rock-climbing.

I am dating andy and I love it.

in other words - everything is right and good with the world (for the moment)
and I have the Lord to thank for it.

and then I found 20 bucks

2010-04-28T21:27:00.008-04:00

well, everything kind of sucks right now. I guess not everything. but a lot of important things. as amanda informs me that my blog is boring her, I present a long written post with everything that's been happening. here's the deal:

so I packed all of my stuff, did some cleaning, and moved everything out of the FLSR to celesta's house where it needed to stay over the weekend since I couldn't move into my new apartment until monday.

then andy and I were supposed to go down to zion's to go camping with claire & jesse. thing 1 - it was going to be verrry cold, but we could deal. thing 2 - I got online to make our camp reservations the saturday before, but I got distracted and did everything but actually reserve it. then for some reason I thought andy was going to do and he thought I was going to do it, so come friday, nobody had done it and the campsites were all full. we wouldn't get there in time for the first come first served sites, so we had to cancel.

turns out it was national park week or something and all the parks were free, so it would have been super-crowded-impossible anyway. but I was still disappointed. then claire got mad at me for not "being responsible" or something like that. all in all - a lame friday.

what we missed out on hiking:
angel's landing
a most dangerous and pleasurable hike

saturday we went to andy's sister mary's concert with the deseret chamber singers, which was incredible. I loved it! so that's one good thing that came from no zion's. I was really impressed with the quality of the group and the acoustics in the baptist church didn't hurt any.

afterwards we went to a little french restaurant/patisserie in salt lake with lili, tracy, and betsy. I had a super-yummy sandwich - smoked turkey frisco panini or something like that. it had roasted artichoke hearts and other deliciousness. ended up having a crazy complicated and slightly stressful talk with andy that night, but it was a very good thing. all in all - a good day.

the interior:
significantly less charming when there's a group of 15 or so thoroughly loud and obnoxious youngsters who did not respond to my disapproving looks. we couldn't even hear ourselves talk sometimes. though this did nothing to discourage the quality of my sandwich.

sunday was nondescript. the kids were at the rimingtons' in heber so I got to go to church with celesta and paul, which was fun. paul is a great gospel doctrine teacher - just the right amount of humor, experience, and spirituality. stayed up til 3.30 or so talking with celesta.

monday, after lots of fun watching maxwell for an hour or so (puzzles, follow the leader, hard-boiled eggs, gardening, the like) I was supposed to move into my new apartment (pack up all my stuff again). so I check in with the office and get my key, head over to the apartment ... and oceane's not in my apartment. just some weird girl named krystal who told me she doesn't go to sleep until 3am on average (so I picked the other room).

before I even start to move my stuff I head back over to the office to tell them - what is going on?? because they'd already confirmed with me that I'd be with oceane. long story short - oceane never put my name down to room with her. initially I was in her apartment because I'd put her name down, but when it came to some reorganizing, the apartment people put oceane and nikki in another apartment and I got left high and dry.

the girl at the office was really helpful and tried her best to get me switched into their apartment, but it was just impossible logistically. they told me I could move into the next-door apartment. so I moved all of my stuff in. and then get a phone call that - oops! nevermind. some other girl needs to be in there. so I had to move all of my stuff AGAIN back down to original apartment #13 (I claimed to andy on being assigned to 13 that I don't believe in superstition. I take it back)

apartment 13 is on the ground floor. it is dank and smudgy and gloomy. the couches are old. there are excessive large appliances in the living room. my roommate says hi and launches into a monologue (no really, she's a theatre arts major) about how for some reason people think she's difficult to live with and she's found it easier to just stay in one place because people will move around her and that if I have a problem with her I just need to say it because she thinks that conflict brings people together.
...
she has monopolozied the entire desk. she has this deep red velour curtain thing over the window that's nailed to the wall to keep all light out. the first morning I didn't wake up until way late because when I did wake up, I thought it was still night. when I hiked the curtain up and tucked it in at the top to let in the light and open the blinds, she closed it up again while I was in the shower (who's being passive/aggressive NOW, sarah-lucy??) she came back in the early afternoon and informed me that she was taking a nap and that I needed to turn the light off as soon as possible (I still haven't unpacked yet, bytheway. how am I supposed to unpack when the lights are always off?)

my roommate abhors light and insists on gloom. I CANNOT LIVE LIKE THIS. the whole reason I'm here for spring/summer (besides my thesis, of course) is to live in the light!

krystal came out of her room for the first time around 6pm and informed us that she hadn't gone to bed until 4.30am and that she was exhausted. I felt 0% guilty about playing my uke and singing at 11am. I'm not going to jump through hoops for crazies. I sing. it's a matter of course. and pretty much the only thing that got me through that day.

monday was one of the most depressing days ever. I had moved 3 times (though we are extremely quick and efficient, I might add). I felt completely betrayed by my best friend - of course she didn't mean for this to happen, but she knew a long time before she told me that she wasn't going to room with me and it totally screwed me over. I would never have chosen to live in this place if it weren't for the fact that I'd be living with her. but hey, I let her take care of it without being well-enough aware of what was going on. this is still my responsibility.

that said, I can't stay here. I'm going to try and sell my contract for the summer term. I don't know if they'll let me cancel my lease for spring - I'm guessing not, though I could try and bank on their mercy and push the fact that they didn't do what they told me they were going to do.

in the mean time, I've contacted marie-laure about getting back into the FLSR and she told me the french house has spots open for spring AND summer and they'd love to have me back. and frankly, I couldn't want anything more right now. even if I don't know any of my roommates. at least tim and tanner and mike vogue will be there. I've lived there for 2 whole years now and the FLSR is home. I want to go home. even if I have to pay rent for the crap apartment so that I don't have to live there, I'll do it.

please FLSR - come back to me ...

and that is the end of my story ...

p.s. andy is sweet and tries to make me feel better. and the man single-handedly moved me 5 times in one weekend. he's a trooper :)

just a school-day afternoon

2010-04-21T00:17:00.003-04:00

library:

edgar mortimer strikes again ...

... and is left to enlighten in a 1st floor study room.

hfac art loveliness:

children's book

My Son, My Son by Jethro Gillespie

"I suffer from epistemological hiccups.

I am Abraham's. I am an animal."

panel 1

panel 2

panel 3

mandala:

inspiration for my next project

my favorite wilk view

whilst I devour jamba fresh-squeezed orange juice and apple brown sugar oatmeal

15 august 2009 - toulouse france

2010-04-14T18:55:00.005-04:00

Espace d'Art Moderne les Abattoirs

Quand mes mains se prolongent dans la nuit

Jean-Luc PARANT

« La distance qui sépare l’homme de l’infini n’est pas entre ce qu’il touche et ce qu’il ne touche pas, entre ce qui est près et ce qui est loin, mais entre sa main qui peint ou écrit et sa main qui arrête la lumière. Si les yeux de l’homme découvrent ce qui est loin de son corps, ils lui montrent ce qui est le plus près de ses mains. L’homme voit le feu qui est trop loin pour le brûler et il voit ce qui est trop près pour le toucher. L’homme se lève et à travers ses mains, il parcourt l’insaisissable. L’homme voit plus loin que ce qu’il touche ; il ne voit pas seulement le monde où il peut aller, il voit où il n’ira jamais et où son corps ne peut pas entrer. »

I couldn't find pictures of this one anywhere, which is probably just as well, because nothing could convey the incredible experience that I had with this artwork.

Tombeau pour Sawtche alias Saartje Baartman Venus Hottentote

Serge PEY

« La poésie est un accident de la pensée ou bien la pensée naturelle de l’accident. »

Charley CASE

« Personnages isolés ou enchevêtrés, seuls ou engloutis, anonymes et indispensables. »

conversation w/ benjamin

CONFIDENT:

1. having strong belief or full assurance; sure

2. sure of oneself; having no uncertainty about one's own abilities, correctness, etc.

3. bold

4. trustful or confiding

syn. certain, positive, self-reliant, assured, intrepid

SELF-CONSCIOUS:

1. excessively aware of being observed by others

2. conscious of oneself as an individual or one's own being, actions, or thoughts

3. socially ill at ease

epiphanies:

- I have strong opinions but I don't act on them because I'm afraid of disappointing people - I have a deep conscience.

- I'm afraid of getting in trouble, of people being mad at me or disappointed in me

- I am confident in my abilities and self-conscious of how people perceive me

conference weekend

2010-04-14T03:31:00.001-04:00

tea and toast

2010-04-05T09:51:00.003-04:00

Edgar took tea and toast in the breakfast room while he read the local newspaper. He liked to keep informed of the various neighborhood goings-on.

the goings-on, as told by the Kirby Corner Daily
of Coventry, County of Warwickshire:

Shrews Protest New Burrows

West Meadow - The shrew family held a silent sit-in Saturday in protest of the new housing development construction also scheduled to begin Saturday. Led by Mrs. Amelia Shrew and attended by all her extended family, the sit-in prevented the Martin Mole & Sons Construction Co. from beginning excavation in the West Meadow. Though the development plans were approved by the Board of Trustees, Amelia refused to acknowledge their decision and declared her intention to "sit all day and night for months if necessary! I decide where my family lives. Just let them try to root us out!" When asked if she was concerned about the legal repercussions of her family's protest, she seemed unconcerned with the community council's loyalty to her cause. The question will be the chief item of business at this week's community council meeting scheduled for 7 o'clock tonight.

Gordon on Gardening

This week, I'd like to spotlight frost and flame irises, a lovely addition to the edible flower-box gardens of last week. These irises rise nicely above the clustered herbaceous perennials to add a pop of color and lighten the purple alliums and red rooster grasses. They have a light, delicate flavor to compliment the hearty red rooster.

Erudite Evangeline

dear erudite e. -
Must I always wear gloves to dinner parties?
- anxious Amy

dear Amy,
You must.
yours, e.e.

hey hermano

2010-04-02T15:32:00.001-04:00

dream extravaganza!

2010-04-01T04:11:00.003-04:00

going on some kind of trip, having to do with music maybe. ben rasmussen, too. he was in a wheelchair? we were trying to get to the airport, walking along a sidewalk. for some reason I go back home, which is more an apartment or hotel really, not my actual house, because I forgot something. in the bathroom, almost every spare inch of the counter and in the drawers was covered in different types of makeup brushes, especially blush brushes, courtesy of amanda, who I live with. mme thompson was helping me pack and get everything that I needed into my suitcase. there was a chunker baby, but I can't remember who, and also gregory who was watching the baby and helping me, too. then I was on my way back to the airport - walking was difficult - something wrong with my legs. not sure why ben was in a wheelchair.

2 * pay attention - this one is epic *

two cars blocking veronica lane, I'm walking up from malynda's house, there's a hyena trying to catch and eat a deer in the yard. gregory's there and a couple other men in the yard, but they're not doing anything. I try to distract and intimidate the hyena. it's brigham dallas (guy from the french house) - hyena body with brigham's head on it. he won't stop chasing the deer so I beat him with my sweater (my rust red prep school sweater except it was longer) and one of the buttons cuts him on the brow. he's deterred for a moment, but then starts after the deer again, so I go to the garage to get a stick. I pick one up as he comes in the garage to get me, but the stick has a skewer/marshmallow roaster on the end of it and I don't want to hurt him, but he says "no, go ahead, it's okay." but I don't want to, so he takes it and sticks it into his chest - kind of a detail shot on the impaling wound.

Indian dad from the darjeeling limited. we're sitting at a conference room table with another man. he's relating the worry and difficulty of bringing his toddler son with him to work and not knowing what time I'm going to come in or if I'm going to take care of him, etc. I tell him that he just had to tell me it was part of my job to take care of the kid and then we could have talked about what he needed me to do and when. I would be happy to do it.

big lady with short, mousy curly hair teaching me the proper way to clearn the bathroom stalls as part of my job.

Asian guy, author, malynda's house, another part of my job - to read his manuscripts, maybe? there was some problem we needed to talk through, but I can't remember what it was.

french mother & child

black car, construction or police stuff on the highway, told us to slow down

driver went to the back of the car to handle some kind of health crisis

I was driving from the passenger seat

couldn't slow down fast enough and the police were upset

pulled me over, got in trouble, the french mother was mad at me

back in their home in the kid's room

met the sister? of the woman and her husband and woman's mother - brinda

she had me try on the woman's dress from when she was 16 and some other stuff

they were all really nice to me

when it was time to go to bed, they all came in and said goodnight

even the mother, who was supposedly mad at me, came and gave me a kiss goodnight

a preview ...

2010-03-30T18:22:00.004-04:00

edgar mortimer kingston-mouse the 3rd
an upstanding british citizen
who wears pocket squares
and always takes his tea at 4 o'clock.
with biscuits.
also cheese.
for he is, after all, an upstanding mouse.

(the first in an up-coming series
of fountain pen drawings
by yours truly)

shadow play

2010-03-30T14:42:00.001-04:00

http://gizmodo.com/5504569/103-shapely-shadows?skyline=true&s=i

freddi fish still nuances my life

2010-03-28T21:26:00.002-04:00

you can't have the super-duper-dooka-booka-poly-gizmo*

unless you bring me a clock ...

my name's paJAMa SAM!

i'm gonna capture darkness and put him in a lunchbox!!